I PROMISE I CAN’T MAKE THIS SHIT UP!!
It’s extremely awkward when I walk into a restaurant and 1 of my ex’s has to serve me. The world is too fucking small. Or Maybe I’ve been with too many women, who knows. As I sit at the table with my lovely date at the time. I see her blatantly staring. Looking at me, Looking at her, Looking at us. Gossiping, and pondering. Probably saying “Why did I give this asshole my goodies?” “I fucking hate him!!”. Meanwhile I’m thinking please don’t spit in my food. Please let the past be the past. So she takes our order with an attitude acting like I disgusted her, even though I was very cordial. My date notices and ask if I know her. I said yeah, she said we she should leave. I said I didn’t want to leave because she’s not that important. (Being Prideful Of Course). Besides, I really wanted that turkey burger. So our food comes and I can barely eat thinking she spit in our food, and my date says “see that’s why I wanted to go jay dang” (Her words Verbatim). When the bill came I gave here a $10 tip and wrote on the back of the receipt, “I’m sorry if I hurt you love, have a good life. We finally leave and as I’m getting into the car I look back to find a middle finger waiting for me. I just laughed. I deserved that honestly. God knows that’s the truth!!
I Used To Be A Rapper Kinda!!
THE STREETS RAISE ME UP GIVING A FUCK/ I THOUGHT THAT JORDANS AND A GOLD CHAIN WAS LIVING UP: Nas
Growing up in the inner city I believed in that stupid credo. Honestly, until this day that mentality still affects me. The shoes, the clothes, the women, stems from that unfortunate rapper fantasy. I truly believe it’s one bad cycle in the black community. When I was TRYING to be a rapper I had the usual crap. the jewelry (Unknowingly Fake) spent a lot of money on it too. Speaking with dumb downed vernacular to fit in. But then reality set in and I had to get a job. I had to go to school. I was better than a lot dudes rhyming honestly, ask about me. But why is that are only dream? Why is that are only hero’s for success? I’m not going to tell you that typical bullshit, “YOU CAN BE A LAWYER OR A DOCTOR”.. Not everyone was meant to be Cliff and Claire Huxtable who’s names are coincidentally or not so coincidental in alliteration form LOL. I just want us as black men to broaden our dreams. Everything does not have to be music or drug related to be successful. Trust, nobody loves, knows or has more music than me. ASK ABOUT ME, I have everything!! I’m not telling you don’t follow your dreams, just have a plethora of dreams. I know people reading this like. “This privileged motherfucker telling me not to be a rapper, SHUT THE FUCK UP.. Your right, I am privileged to have seen the places I’ve seen. Or hang with the people I’ve hung with (more successful than your favorite rapper). I get some people may never leave their neighborhoods and want a way out. But music isn’t the only way out!! Expanding your dreams, Expands your mind, which affords you the opportunity to leave the hood behind……
The Insecurities Of A Player
I dress fashionable because I want you to like me. I keep my body fit because in reality I’m a foodie and I want to eat cake all day!! (Preferably On Top of the Pussy). I’m Never satisfied with my appearance EVER. I date a lot of women to affirm my hotness. But in reality I’m afraid of the deafening sound of silence when I’m alone with my thoughts. The facade is that I’m confident. The reality is I’m confounded by my insecurities and it will take a lifetime to be truly happy with ME.. I love life, but I’m still learning to love me. So I can learn to love my future mate the way it needs be!!
Still not clear is when exactly Fallon will take overTonight. THR’s source says some NBC execs want to launch Fallon’s New York-based Tonight in February during network’s high-rated Winter Olympics coverage, but producer Lorne Michaelsis said to prefer to give Fallon a little more time. Plus, NBC would owe Leno a significant penalty if it took him off the air before his contract expires.
Trench Coat Camera Sex
Truth serum, anyone who’s been with me knows I’m a sucker for nice underwear. So when women come to my door with just a trench coat I’m all in :-). I’m grateful to have had this experience several times. Nothing like opening the door and she’s wearing just a jacket. My mind starts racing, thinking of the new things I will and want to do to her. Then you add the camera experience and it gets more sensual and exciting. In my phone right now I got 6 home videos (Just Saying). My phone is always locked of course, lol. But what’s more exciting is when it’s going down with the good girls. I’ve fucked strippers, I’ve had threesomes, hell I’ve even had a foursome.. I’ve had a great sexual life so far. (Thank You God). But it’s nothing like the sexy good girl. She works real estate in the day (like the great lady in the photo above), but she shows up with the trench coat at night. Down for whatever. It’s the sexiest thing in the world. So I recently had another trench coat encounter and she wanted me to tape it. I’ll say it was very creative and exploratory for both parties. It was amazing and she tasted as sweet she looked when she cummed. Excuse me, came to the door :-). So I realize that spontaneity is always a great thing. I had to learn that to become a better lover. It’s definitely great when it shows up in laced underwear and a trench coat. Ready to be lifted up and put in the bed taking my time doing whatever she wants me to do to her!!
Love Lessons Learned? Nah Not Yet!!
I thought I learned from that relationship but I didn’t. I honestly thought I couldn’t love anyone the way I loved her. But I did one other. That was it. My Ex-wife that’s it. I loved other women, but not the way I loved her. I subconsciously compared everyone to her. I sabotaged relationships because of her. She was the one!! At least my one and I really don’t care if i wasn’t hers. That love broke me down to the core. It made me guarded. Which is crazy because I’m a pretty loosely emotional dude. When I moved away from my home city I suppressed that love. While I was dating other people I secretly thought about her. I picked fights with people I was with because they wasn’t her. (Sorry Ladies). They would say “Jay I’m not fucking her”. I pose this question to myself as I’m at the bar with my EX-wife trying to makeup, Why did I love my 1st love SOO much? Ex-wifey is actually watching me type this for the record,(True Story). Is it the reason I failed with people I really loved? Or could it be I tried so hard to please them it made me a LIAR and a bad person? I kept losing them the same way. Self-Reflection is a BITCH. Especially when alcohol is involved :-). But in order to correct the wrongs, you have to admit you have a fucking problem. For a long time I couldn’t admit that. Just as good as I thought I was, in reality I was just as bad. Now this is not a yearning for my 1st love or ex loves by any means. I just think for many years I felt incomplete. Though I was over it mentally, I wasn’t over it in my heart and soul for many years. I left the city I grew up in because of that love. The city I knew made me depressed. I stayed in the house for 6 months because I couldn’t bare seeing her or the places we had been. When I start talking about love the words spew out like vomit. I thrive when I’m in love. Being in love is cathartic and orgasmic. I say all these things because I’m still learning love. I’m still learning me. She nor any other woman was the reason for mine or our demise. I was!! And I’ve finally come to that realization. I needed to lose her and my wife in order to become a better man. I thank my 1st love for that love. It’s a love I’ve only felt 4 times in my life. With her, My wife, and my kids. It’s surreal, it’s serenity.. THANK YOU.. STILL LEARNING!!